How To Find Yourself 21 Ways To Unlock Your Soul

You aren’t lost.

Your deepest being, your best self, is waiting to be found. Shift your expectations from suddenly understanding yourself to enjoying the journey that is life. Souls go through transformations, finding yourself is a growing pain.

I’ve been “lost”, without meaning or purpose. It was only until I decided that I’ve had enough that my inner being started to show itself. The best version of yourself is already within, there is no need to panic.

Your journey starts now.

How to Find Yourself

1) Stop Judging Yourself

Before you even get started, it’s time to release the negative self talk that hasn’t helped you.

I would always beat myself up even if I reached my highest goals. Working out was my passion, I was in the gym day and night. Any time I looked in the mirror I would get disgusted with myself.

I had lost weight, toned my body, and was at relatively low body fat. Everyone said I looked great. The only person that didn’t believe it was ME.

Don’t be like me. You need to start this journey on the right foot. It won’t matter if you take an enormous amount of time to better yourself only to constantly have self-loathing in the back of your mind.

It all starts with how you view yourself.

You are worthy. You can do anything you would like to do. (Well, maybe not fly..) I’ve learned that the key to success is the ability to get up after failure over, and over, and over again.

You want to not just find yourself, but also maintain happiness along the way. Self-improvement is often used as a band-aid to your mental well-being.

It’s easy to push your mind in a corner, the hard part is facing yourself with honesty.

Don’t wait to do it another six months from now. You deserve better. You are worthy.

2) Practice Self Love

Finding yourself revolves around fulfillment.

If you don’t love yourself unconditionally, it’s time to take the steps to get you there.

You don’t need to sit in your closet and repeat “I love you” for hours at a time. There is a clear plan of action you can take to incorporate self love into your life.

You are only human. You make mistakes as does every other person on earth.

When you look on social media what do you see? You see smiles and everyone being the best versions of themselves.

What you don’t see is that these people are human as well. They cry, they are insecure, they deal with depression.

You aren’t alone in this world. If you need help, reach out for guidance. Talk to a friend or family to release stress.

You can’t stay bottled up forever. Imagine a balloon that gets progressively filled with air. The balloon will eventually pop once it reaches its maximum capacity.

Humans are the same if we don’t get any release.

Work on loving yourself a bit more one day at a time. Finding yourself begins with unconditional self love.

3) Go On Adventures

How can you expect to know who you are if you never experience what life has to offer?

Some of my greatest and life changing memories were when I decided to travel to foreign countries. I met so many characters along my path that left me in reflection.

Around six years ago I packed up my bags and moved to Mexico. I was uncertain, afraid of the unknown.

I took a dive and immediately felt culture shock. I missed my home and my family but something inside of me convinced me to stay.

While it was hard at first, life began to shine. The biggest surprise? How happy the locals were.

In America it’s almost a foreign concept to see someone flash a smile to a stranger on the street or even say hello. But in Mexico? They will act like you are family without ever having met you.

Everyone was so warm and inviting that it made me rethink my personality.

When I went into less touristy destinations with my girlfriend at the time, the smiles didn’t change. These people were living without clean water, no AC in 90 degree heat with high humidity and THEY WERE STILL SMILING.

I couldn’t believe it. As I sat there on a field, I pondered how could I ever be depressed again? These people without a dime to their name still had warmth even under all of their circumstances.

I still have some bad days but this trip changed my perspective forever. I learned what it means to enjoy the small things.

I know right now travelling is a bit of a luxury with the current situation but if at all possible talk to strangers. See how they experience life. Think how you could learn from them.

The wisdom is in the experience.

4) Surrender to the Moment

You don’t know who you are right now, that is ok.

The less pressure you put on yourself, the easier your inner being will be to find.

If you are constantly worried about finding yourself, the increased anxiety will only be a burden.

You have to just accept the present moment and start from wherever you are now.

The mind is tricky that way. In order to let the mind flow, you must allow it.

Don’t distract yourself when it comes to self-reflection. The ego does not want you to stare deeply into it and see the pain it is causing you.

All that’s required from you is acceptance of your present moment. Just accept right now you aren’t exactly sure who you are.

Releasing this burden is imperative, otherwise you will be blocked from finding your inner being.

Surrendering is easier said than done. The mind may put up a fight and you might feel anxiety or frustration.

Instead of running away, run into it. Tell yourself you won’t have any of it any longer.

This is your life, take a stand.

5) Let Yourself Be

When I was growing up I was afraid of expressing myself in fear that I might be judged or laughed at.

I didn’t let anyone see the sensitive person that was inside of me. I spiraled into depression.

I pushed my inner being so far back in the mind that I had forgotten it existed.

It was only until I started expressing myself without any fear of judgement or embarrassment that I started to connect the dots.

You will never find yourself if you don’t allow yourself to be who you are. Instead of worrying about what others might think, try to express an honest version of yourself.

The irony in all of this is that people are attracted to honesty. Honesty doesn’t just come in the form of conversation, it’s an expression. When you are living an honest expression of yourself, people are attracted to you.

People love to feel at ease. A person who knows who they are and isn’t afraid to be themselves is the perfect expression of honesty.

There is a sense of peace around them. They don’t care who is watching or what others might think. They know that their life is theirs and no one else’s.

Power comes from being who you are. When your deepest desires and wants in life are being expressed, finding yourself comes naturally.

6) Don’t Settle For Less

I made a pact to myself that I wouldn’t settle.

Compromises are made, I realize this. I just will not settle for anything less than what is my truest desire in the moment.

You have to strive for something. Whether it be a passion, career or hobby, be the best you can be.

Don’t listen to anyone who tells you any differently. Through hard work and time you can achieve greatness.

Remember, you are worthy.

You deserve better in life. Do you want to reflect on that job you settled for or the relationship you stuck it out in out of fear?

Work as hard as you can to get what you want out of life. Write down exactly what you want and just do it.

If you’ve never embarked on a personal mission before, the satisfaction gained along the way is immense.

Get yourself into shape, find a better job, live a better life. There is no time to settle in this lifetime.

I’ve seen not only myself but others I’ve met in my journey that experienced the same thing.

It all starts with a single idea. Grinding away, day after day. You’ll be surprised how fast you can get to where you want to go when you stay focused.

7) Explore the Variety of Life

You NEED reference points in life to know what you do and don’t like.

Reference points are when you have an experience in life that you can reflect on. When you accumulate numerous amounts of reference points, finding yourself is easy.

You’ll know exactly what you enjoy doing and more importantly, what you don’t enjoy doing.

How can you expect to find yourself if you don’t know what you’re after in life?

It all begins with exploring different avenues this world has to offer.

Take up different hobbies. Watch 100 different movies from different genres. Listen to 100 different albums. Meet new people. Go to new places.

Make it a mission to stop living life on repeat and start enjoying what life has given us. There are so many activities to do and people to meet, there isn’t enough time in the world for it all.

This is what majorly helped me find out who I am. Through all the reference points I’ve accumulated over the years, they pointed me to who I am today.

Pushing yourself is key here. It’s easy to stay in your comfort zone. You only grow in the face of discomfort.

Don’t view it as a negative, it’s the growing pains you need to experience to find yourself.

8)Practice Sobriety

I was addicted to several drugs in my teenage years.

Facing myself every day was a challenge. I even woke up in a hospital at one point after an overdose.

I’ve been sober for over six years now.

If you are facing a drug addiction, now is the time to sort it out. Get help if you can, I know going at it alone isn’t easy.

The problem with being under the influence is that if you have a problem, you are using to avoid reality.

It was only until I was several years sober that my brain had begun healing itself and I was able to feel peace again. I don’t think of using anymore because I’m so satisfied in the present moment that there isn’t a need for me to use.

Even if you don’t think you you have a drug problem, sobriety is the one of the best methods to clear the mind.

If you’re constantly going up and down, avoiding reality and having to deal with hangovers, it’s no surprise that you are having difficulty finding yourself.

I challenge you to stay sober for one month. One month of self reflection and figuring out what you want in life.

The month is going to be difficult. Once it’s over you will feel like a new person. You may reconsider your habits.

I’m so thankful that I got sober and feel a sense of normalcy.

Sobriety let me truly find myself.

9) Surround Yourself with Positivity

Are your friends and family constantly holding you down and not letting you exist the way you would like to?

Remove the friends that aren’t a positive impact on your life and distance yourself from family.

I know, it hurts. I’ve been there. I’ve had to remove entire friend groups at moments but the end result was massively beneficial.

You are the five people you surround yourself with.

If you are surrounded by toxic people who don’t want to watch you grow, what are you waiting for?

People often project their own insecurities on us subconsciously to bring us down. They don’t want you to watch you grow or succeed because it would make them question their own lives.

I don’t have any tolerance for negativity in my life. If a significant other or friend is always involved in drama, I warn them and then cut them off if they continue. Brutal, but needed.

My life is too short to be surrounded by people that don’t “get” it.

When you’re surrounded by people who only want the best for you and push you, that’s when you’re most likely to succeed in life.

They will give you feedback and call you out on your mistakes. They will catch you when you inevitably fall and you’ll do the same for them.

You need a positive influence on your life to better yourself.

10) Just Do It

You got to the end. Now it’s your turn.

I’ve laid it all out for you. You have the plan to find yourself but you must take the first step.

The first step is always the hardest. The immense amount of pain from attempting to grow can leave you shattered.

You have to nurture yourself in this process. Take it easy on yourself. Love yourself.

The fact that you’re reading this means that your heart is in it. You are worthy.

You will find yourself in a matter of time. Your inner being is calling you right now, it wants to be freed.

Let your soul grow. Let yourself be who you want to be. There is no limit to your success.

You have all the tools necessary.

What are you waiting for?

A Little More Inspiration

I laid out a plan for you and now the rest is in your hands. I believe I covered all 10 steps extensively, if you are in need of 11 more steps on how to find yourself and spark inspiration, here you go!

  • 11) Read biographies of successful people
  • 12) Camp/Hike to connect with nature
  • 13) Set goals for yourself
  • 14) Get accountability from a friend/relative
  • 15) Help someone in need
  • 16) Practice self-discipline
  • 17) Exercise/Do Yoga to increase mental health
  • 18) Explore spirituality
  • 19) Enjoy life for once
  • 20) Journal your thoughts
  • 21) Engulf yourself in a passion/hobby


You desperately want to find yourself again and you will.

Imagine who you would like to be in five years from now. Write it down. Put that piece of paper on your fridge as a reminder. If you chip away at a rock, over time that rock can begin to resemble something beautiful.

You have the power to find your inner being. It’s already there, don’t think you need to find yourself right this second. You will find yourself again when the time is right.

You are worthy.

About Roy Cohen

Hi there! I'm the founder of Claiming Clarity. My passion in life is helping people live better. If you'd like to learn more, check out the about page.

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