3 Steps To Learn How To Be Kind To Yourself

Are you tired of that voice inside of your head beating you up after any little mistake?

It happens to the best of us. Self compassion can be foreign when you’ve only lived criticizing yourself.

Learning how to be kind to yourself is a process.

Together, we will break down how to start building self compassion.

If you’re ready to start being kind to yourself, let’s begin.

Self Compassion is Key

I empathize with you.

It didn’t matter what I accomplished, I was still never good enough. The voice in the back of my head was always reminding me of how worthless I was.

I believed these thoughts were true. They had an enormous amount of power over me.

On one hand, it pushed me to be a better person. On the other, I was never capable of feeling peace.

I was tired of beating myself up. I knew I was more than a punching bag.

After not being capable of loving myself for years, I decided to do something about. I started to bring self-compassion into my life.

I learned through helping others how I could help myself. I realized that I wasn’t broken and capable of being healed.

And guess what? You’re capable too.

Follow the steps below to start bringing self compassion into your life.

1) Find the Source of Your Inner Critic

That voice inside your head.. that isn’t you.

It’s a repressed memory that has taken form as an overly critical thought pattern that is lodged in your subconscious.

I was bullied as a kid growing up for being overweight. Even though I had dieted down to a healthy weight, that inner critic was still in my head beating me down.

I was too fat, too ugly, not smart enough, not capable. Or at least, that’s what the inner critic told me.

It’ll convince you that it is you. Your job is to heal your past self so that you can move forward with your life.

Find what caused you to be overly critical of yourself. It might require a few days or even weeks of being present with your emotions. That’s a small price to pay for freedom.

Be overly critical during this process. Honesty is key here. If you don’t find the source right away then don’t force your objective.

It’ll come to you when it’s ready.

Some ideas to get you started:

  1. Overly critical parents
  2. Bullied as a child
  3. No friends growing up
  4. Came from a poor family
  5. Repressed memories

2) Start the Healing Process

The healing process will look different for everyone.

One thing is for sure though, it’ll take time.

It’s important to stick with it even when it gets tough. Healing your past requires you to face your deepest being, it isn’t an easy task.

This thought pattern exists solely to keep you down. By believing it, you give it the power it needs to survive. It’s an extension of the ego and it will do anything to keep itself alive.

Here are a few ways you can start to heal your inner critic:


Meditation teaches you to be still and present. When the thoughts that you have been avoiding come up, it’s an invitation to find a resolution.

While it may be painful at first, the inner critic loses power over time. By being with your emotions rather than running away or giving in to them, they begin to lessen their vice grip.

I recommend practicing for a few minutes a day until you get the hang of it. If it any point the experience gets too uncomfortable, end the session.


Admitting you can’t fix the problem alone can be tough. Doing something about it is even tougher.

I’ve had plenty of coaches and therapists over the years to guide me through the process. The biggest benefit is being able to express yourself without any worry of judgment.

Being able to talk it out with a professional with experience opened my eyes to the process. It’s like riding a bike, you need to be shown how to go through the steps before you can take off on your own.

Be Compassionate

Learn how to be self-compassionate by practicing compassion. I always *thought* I was compassionate but up until this year I had no idea what that it truly meant.

I had fallen ill and my entire family dropped everything to help me through and make it to every doctor’s appointment and test I needed to go through. Thankfully I’m fine, but it taught me that’s what true compassion feels like.

I always felt life was an eye for an eye. I do this for you and you did this for me. But compassion doesn’t work that way, it’s selfless love. You’re giving only to give.

Hold open the door for your fellow human when their hands are full of groceries. Smile and be patient, even when the favor isn’t returned. Give your energy and time to a friend who is in need.

By helping others you’ll slowly understand what it means to be compassionate. Simple acts can be incredibly powerful in shaping your perspective.

3) Be Patient

Everyone wants to find that one trick to fix their mind overnight. If there was a trick like that I would be selling it you!

The key to being kind to yourself is practicing patience. You need to change years of habits. It. Takes. Time.

Would you expect to be ripped after going to the gym one time?

If this takes you a week, a month or a year, there isn’t any other choice. You have to be there for yourself.

You’re beating yourself up for every little mistake, how you coulda/shoulda/woulda. Why not give yourself the benefit of the doubt just this once?

You’ve already made the first step into recovery by admitting you have a problem. Be proud of yourself. Pat yourself on the back.

I thought that it was normal to walk around with an angry inner critic at all times. When I learned I didn’t have to live like that anymore, my life changed.

It took months of practice and therapy, but I’m in a place now where I am capable of practicing self-compassion.

Don’t Forget – You’re Human

You need to learn how to be kind to yourself when depressed and when you make a mistake. You need to be kind when life isn’t going your way. You need to stop chasing self-confidence and find self-compassion here and now.

You can’t expect yourself to be perfect. You have flaws just as everyone else does. The only person who isn’t ok with you being you is you.

You’re looking up at the top of the mountain and wishing you could there You’ll get there, eventually. It all comes down to how much heart and courage you are willing to put into the process.

It’s ok to fail along your journey to self compassion. It isn’t going to be a linear journey.

Let yourself feel, even if it means reliving past experiences.

Your short term pain is worth the long term freedom.

About Roy Cohen

Hi there! I'm the founder of Claiming Clarity. My passion in life is helping people live better. If you'd like to learn more, check out the about page.

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