Feeling comfortable in your own skin. Expressing your every intention. Not thinking about how you’re being perceived.
Being exactly who you are and nothing less.
That’s what we all strive for.
I grew up self-conscious, thinking I wasn’t good enough and ashamed of where I came from. I told everyone I didn’t care what others thought. The truth was, I did care.
Am I tall enough? How is my haircut? Will everyone notice that I’m trying so damn hard to act like I don’t care?
These thoughts tormented me. Even when no one was around, I would still be fighting with myself. I was never good enough.
Eventually, I had enough. I wanted to be ok with whoever I was. No matter what it took. Even if it meant doing horrible things – like deep introspection and uncovering painful emotions that I had shut out for years.
Getting to know myself wasn’t easy. I had to shed years of baggage, meet my past, and essentially kill who I was then to become who I am now. I had to let go of that little kid who grew up depressed and tortured. I had to realize that my past wasn’t me anymore.
I was something new. I was capable. As are you.
Being yourself is more than being yourself. It’s letting go of everything you’re holding on to and letting yourself express who you are.
The person who is at peace with themselves is the person that is the most capable of being themselves.
Finding peace is the path to being yourself. Everything falls into place once you’re capable of being congruent with your deepest being.
How To Just Be Yourself in 3 Steps
1) Work Backwards
That voice in your head that is berating you, the thing that’s keeping you from being able to find peace, started from a certain point in time.
You have to dive deep within and start resolving your internal conflicts. Pushing these feelings away only allows them to further take control of your life. The path to being yourself starts from healing your past.
I know. It sounds incredibly daunting. Having to deal with emotions and trauma that you locked away in a closet is frightening. But it is your key to success.
Suppressed emotions that you have been ignoring are trying to help you. They’re your guide to freedom. It’s hard to see it that way now, but once you start learning how to be friends with your emotions it starts to all fall into place.
You want to “be yourself” but what you really want is peace and happiness. When you’re completely free of any burdens from the past and are capable of living in the present, you are exactly yourself.
Your actions will cease to be ruled by your subconscious. You’ll live solely through the present moment and radiate your essence in every movement.
You have to start from the beginning. Rewind your life and find the moments that have caused you pain. Stop ignoring your deepest being, the thing that is dying to be let free.
2) Express Yourself
Being yourself is a state of mind. You will be changing throughout your life. What you were five minutes ago isn’t who you are now.
Embrace the fact that you’re not a static entity. You’re going to grow, trip, fall and get back up again. During your time here on earth, your only goal should be to express yourself as much as humanly possible.
Emotions are a part of human life. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, you aren’t above emotions. Emotions are you.
If you’re happy, be happy. If you want to cry, cry.
Being congruent with how you feel is the doorway to being yourself.
If you’re expressing yourself, you’re being honest. If you’re being honest, you’re being congruent. If you’re being congruent, you’re being yourself.
This past year I went through one of the toughest times in my life. I had nearly lost everything, even the shirt off my back.
I was still trying to fit in the shadow of my previous self. That person doesn’t exist anymore. I had to make room for the person I am today. A better person. A person with more knowledge and compassion.
It didn’t happen instantly. The thing is, though, is that you’ll go through your life-changing. You have to be capable of accepting who you are at any point in time. That’s the real secret to being yourself.
Being comfortable with who you are, no matter your situation.
3) Being Yourself is a Lifelong Endeavour
Even after years of getting to know myself better, I still find difficulty in getting everything perfect.
And that’s ok because it never will be perfect. You won’t fix all of your problems right away. You are capable of learning how to free yourself and express your inner being.
If I can do it, so can you. I wasn’t born carefree, confident and without stress. I wouldn’t feel comfortable giving you advice if I was naturally so.
Being yourself is finding peace and letting your inner being out to play. You shouldn’t have to live worrying every second about what others think.
You have to drop your expectations. You aren’t going to be perfect in every single way. You will learn, every day, until you are comfortable being exactly who it is you are.
Getting 1 percent more comfortable with yourself each month will accumulate. You don’t need to put so much pressure on yourself to get it right this moment.
Give yourself time. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Wrapping it Up
I know, it’s a LOT to take in. You likely weren’t expecting to read advice on how to “just be yourself” to start with healing your internal conflicts from the past.
Your ability to be present relies on your ability to be comfortable within your own skin. You’ll be able to do that by slowly becoming more conscious of who you are.
Accepting that you might not know exactly who you are is a part of being yourself. No one is 100 percent sure of themselves.
It’s all a game in the end. Try not to take it too seriously.